Due to having quite bad Postnatal Depression with Squish, I had to go for an assessment with the mental health team, including a psychiatrist. It was a bit daunting but the ladies were very nice. I wasn't sure what to expect. I thought it would be like a Drs appointment. A few questions to see how my mood is, one of those questionnaire thingys that score your mood and some advice should I feel low. Oh nonny no!
They took a detailed history of my mental state, right back to when I was a kid and what my childhood was like. They wanted details of any psychotic incidences, suicidal thoughts, various drugs I had been prescribed and their effects on me. It was really gruelling and quite upsetting if I'm honest.
I had been coping with my husband leaving quite well, I thought, but today has been something else. I hadn't really thought about PND other than I really need to keepa close eye out for the signs as I can't afford to let it get me this time. I wasn't prepared for how terrified that meeting would make me.
The psychiatrist said "obviously, given my history, I am at a high risk of developing post natal psychosis."
Lovely. Before I have always had my husband to rely on. He has taken care of me through the most awful times in my life. He's always been there with a hand to hold and arms to squeeze.
What the hell do I do now?? If I lose it after having the baby, what happens to the kids then? Social services made us sign a contract that he wont be the sole carer for the kids. At the time, I wasn't pregnant and we didn't forsee anything like this happening. Does that mean they will be taken into care if I am unfit to care for them? What will happen to us? We will all be separated.
I've been a total mess since I got home. My eyes are sore from crying, my head hurts and I can't think straight. I wish my husband was here to give me one of his hugs that makes everything alright. The thing is, I have never relied on anyone. Ihave never felt able to trust anyone enogh to do that. Until I met him. Now I find myself having to go it alone again at a time when I am the most in need of his support.
Everyone keeps telling me I'm strong and I will get through this. I don't know if I can. It all just feels like too much....
My heart is going out to you xx I hope he changes his mind and comes back :-( x
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry to hear of all the crap being thrown at you lately sweet, keep strong and big hugs :) As for the appointment I honestly think you should put in a complaint...they should have disclosed what the appointment would be like and it shouldn't have left you in a worse state xx
ReplyDeleteTalk about crap timing. Whilst intending to help they seem to have just made things worse.
ReplyDeleteI would enquire as to whether the contract still stands, or if changes in circumstances over the years will have had any impact. For peace of mind you must speak to someone about your concerns, the stress and worry of what could happen wont do any of you any good.
Try not to worry, easier said I know. Can you speak to your husband about your fears, I doubt he would want the kids split up if the worst happens
Thinking of you xx
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ReplyDeletemental health assessments