I realise I have missed a few days and am playing catch up but I am also weary of repeating myself or going on about the same thing. The truth is our current situation is taking up most of my thinking time. I am trying hard for it not to dominate my thoughts so please bear with me in the meantime, thanks x
I have become a little relaxed in my mid region. I wouldn't say I'm fat but I am larger than I am happy with. I just need to trim up a little. I'm sure a bit of exercise and a bit less junk food should do the trick. I'm not concerned with how others see me but I was quite shocked the other day to feel my tummy wobbling away whilst I towel dried my hair!!
I would like to shake the habit of staying up late just to get some time alone without the kids.I need to look after myself so much better than I have been doing. I think the tiredness is catching up with me and it is affecting my ability to cope with our situation.
I am also going to liberate some items of clothing that don't and never will fit me. I have way too many grey clothes too. It's high time to get a bit of colour back in my life. I have to stop myself from buying grey clothes. It is a lot harder than I thought it would be!
I need to let go of the feeling that I should be able to do everything. I need to accept that I can't do my job effectively, parent wholeheartedly, have a clean and tidy home, socialise and have me time. It's not a realisitic goal and I'm setting myself up to fail. I have mentioned before about getting a cleaner and a dishwasher. These are the two biggest problem areas for me. That way I don't have to compromise, I can just get help!
I need to stop getting so wound up about Social Services and all the other associates. The anxiety isn't doing me any good and we are going to apply for a new social worker so that should make things a lot less stressful and distressing. The health visitor has explained things a lot better and now I don't feel so panicky about them taking my lovely boys away.
I need to stop feeling guilty about doing things for myself. I have booked a pedicure tomorrow night but I feel a little bit guilty for spending the money on myself. I am worth it and I need to look after myself more. I love the thought of having pretty feet with painted nails too. Happy feet make me smile.
I think generally I need to trust in lifes process a little more. Things happen for a reason and I should remember that.
This situation has given my husband and I a chance to work out some of the problems we had with our relationship. We both still love each other but that doesn't mean things are hunky dory. We are going to see a counsellor to help us work through things. I think we have a great opportunity to iron out a lot of our problems. It could be difficult to hear something upsetting in a session then come home together feeling a bit awkward about it. We don't have to worry about that as we don't live together. (That also means we won't have much chance to talk things over either but I'm trying to be positive!)
I want to try to see this situation in a positive light, which isn't always easy. I'm hoping we can improve our relationship during this time rather than let it weaken us. We need to stay strong for the boys.