Chaos has just turned 2. He is a very bright, articulate little chap. Now, I know a lot of Mums say that about their kids but I do think Chaos is a bit advanced for his age. For example, he cant count to 10 with a bit of help, he has started doing picture puzzles, he can pronounce things like rectangle perfectly, he corrected me the other day for putting his shoe on the wrong foot and he has been able to do these sort of things for a while. With this in mind, I think his behaviour is down to lack of stimulation and boredom.His behaviour has deteriorated a lot recently and this has coincided with my husband finishing his full time job. Unfortunately, since then, we don't seem to have any routine. Each day is a bit hit and miss as his days of work now vary. He has been on nights this week so I don't think that is helping matters at all either. We have also had my Brother in Law staying with us for a few months. When he moved out his Mum came to stay for a week so things have been quite unsettled for a while.
There are so many things that could be effecting him I'm not sure where to start as they are all inter linked. He is tired and has trouble sleeping.
He doesn't eat much and hardly touches anything nutritional (We have been known to give him peanut butter on a spoon just so that he's eaten something that day).
Due to Squish needing his sleeps we don't go out to toddler groups that often so I think boredom plays a bit part in all of this. We do go for walks but he is generally in the buggy as he runs off all the time and by the road its just too dangerous.
He has no set routine during the day until teatime. That part of the day is always the same.
I do feel for him as he is obviously bored and frustrated. He is also unbearable some days and I feel I'm at my wits end with him. It gets really hard not to lose my rag with him too, especially when he hurts Squish. We have tried the naughty step but after using it for a few days he kept getting up or he would say sorry and do the same thing again. I have tried explaining things to him, shutting him out of the room for a couple of minutes (this is quite effective), shouting, bribing. I even slapped his nappy but he laughed and slapped me back so that wasn't a going to work either.I want to create a routine for him that we can stick to that wont be effected by work or school hours. I think if there is structure to the day he may feel more settled.
I think I should play more mentally stimulating games with him to occupy him.
I also think he should have more of an opportunity to run around and get a bit tired (which will hopefully help his appetite).
I wonder if he is too young for a reward chart?! May give that a go at some point as an extra incentive.
A lot of my problem in dealing with him is tiredness. I am so exhausted dealing with him every day, it just about finishes me off quite honestly. I also have the other two boys and my husbands needs to meet so as a consequence I am failing miserably. That's how I feel about Chaos. I am failing him. I am not providing him with an environment that meets his needs and I feel awful about it.
A bit extreme maybe, but I think you need Super Nanny! I can see how hard it is for you, he is screaming for your attention all the time. He needs a bit of you all for himself, maybe when Squish is asleep you can give him your undivided attention for half an hour, no shouting, no screaming, no threats, just tell him like it is, "If you are a good boy, Mummy will spend this time doing . . . . with you. If you scream, or shout or do anything naughty you must sit on the naughty step for 5 minutes" then make sure you carry out exactly what you have said. Just a suggestion.
ReplyDeleteYou know what Joy, I mentioned Super Nanny to my husband last night! He is getting just like the awful kids on there. He does need more attention you're right. Great suggestion, will give it a go, thank you xx
DeleteHey Kat I feel a bit weird offering advice when I have 2 and you have 3 but bare with me lol!
ReplyDeleteI think you need to try a time out system of you don't already (not naughty corner that's so negitive) even of you have to keep putting him back eventually he'll give in and you can be on his level to tell him what he did to upset you or others. He's def old enough to understand.
A good reward system is getting a jar and something like marbles etc explain to him each time he does something he's told he can pop it in his jar when he has so many he will get a reward (fav mag,activity) but when he misbehaves he will loose a marble and have to earn it back (simplified maybe) same as a sticker chart really just not able to tear off the wall in rage lol.
Have you considered reins or those great back packs for walks? He's exercising his independence, he's pushing boundaries as you know. You've already hot on routine and I think he's crying out for structure as you already believe yourself.
I hope something there is helpful :-) xxxx
We have tried The Step but he just gets up and mucks about,so we don't use it much. I'm hoping a few other changes will help his behaviour.
DeleteI've always hated the idea of reins (probably coz I had them!) But I think for him it will allow more freedom but safely - great idea.
I love the marble idea too. He will love doing that, I think.
I may have 3 but that doesn't make me an expert. I had the easy 1 first then 2 together so I'm all over the place! Thank you so much for your suggestions. I shall give them a go :) xxx
Also remember that he picks up his moods and behaviour from you, so its very important for you to keep calm, and not get angry, definitely no smacks, when he is good he must be rewarded and encouraged, and when he is not he must be told very gently and calmly what he has done wrong. And as Hannah says, get down to his level to talk to him, face-to-face, eye-to eye, so that he knows he has your attention. I'm sure he is really a loving little fellow who just needs to know his Mum and Dad love him.
ReplyDeleteI have just re-read my post and it does paint a very bleak picture of him. He is a very loving little boy who is kind and thoughtful so all of this bad behaviour IS out of character for him. I just want to stop it before it becomes a habit.
DeleteI talk to him at his level, tell him it is not acceptable and what he should do instead. I am trying to pick one thing at a time or he would be in trouble all day!
Thank you again Joy, much appreciated! Xx
First things first, if you want a great parent's advice, don't come to me as I have struggled my way through it. Your post could have been written by me a few years ago. I had 2 easy children and then a tough cookie. Recently, he was identified as gifted and I know feel it was probably boredom and frustration that made him to aggressive and so on when he was younger.
ReplyDeleteHe still needs a lot of stimulation but now he is older and at school that is a lot easier.
I empathise with that debilitating tiredness caused by having loads on your plate and also trying to work out what to do for the best.
Have you tried to get support from organisations like Home-start and Parentline? They have heard/seen it all before so are unshockable.
Hope this helps in some way. It does get easier, it is just hard to see that when you are in the middle of it all.