Are you sitting comfortably? Grand, here we go.
I started writing this blog in February this year. Yes, my leafy wonder is a mere 8 months old. It was such a huge relief and necessity at the beginning to have an outlet for my troubled mind. I have described my daily trials and battles with Post Natal Depression and Anxiety, the effects of my antidepressants and how it has impacted the rest of my family.
Gradually, I became able to write about things other than my feelings. I started to include more about my boys and their achievements. I joined in with an ever increasing number of link ups (which I love!). These included See it, Snap it, Love it with Lucy, Michelle's' Reasons to be Cheerful, Emmy Moms Proud Mommy Moments (one of my favourites), The Gallery with Tara and so many other fabulous links. Slowly, I developed a following of amazing ladies wanted to read my witterings. These fabulous folk have left me some heart warming, supportive and humerus comments exactly when they were needed and have helped me so much through my journey. So, if you are one of those lovely people give yourselves a hug, you have given me the strength to keep going.
Of all these wonderful people, there have been two that have come to mean a great deal to me. In fact, they are probably amongst the closest friends I have, even though I have never met them. They have been the ones I have turned to when things have been truly unbearable and they haven't ever let me down. I strongly advise you to visit them here and here. You wont be disappointed for they are as beautiful on the inside as they are outside. Honest, caring, sharing, yummy, scrummy, fabulous Mummies!
I have posted about my Mums ongoing fight against the big "C". She is an amazing lady and I'm sure she could fight it off through stubbornness alone. But fight she is and doing a grand job too! Having just had her 4th round of Chemo she is coping amazingly well and is lucky to have hardly any side effects. She is my SuperMum! I will thank everyone from both of us for all your well wishes and healing thoughts, they are all greatly appreciated x
I know, with so many positives why stop now??
Well, I feel the time has come for a change. Things have been extremely hard/impossible at home recently. My marriage has hit an all time low and we discussed separating. The situation had got to a point where it was affecting our boys and neither of us wanted to upset them so we agreed that my husband should move out. As I'm sure you can imagine, I am skipping over a lot here. The arguments, the silences, the tears, more tears, bit of shouting and some talking thrown in occasionally. If you have ever been there, it is HELL. It is the worst thing in the world to endure and I hope I never, ever have to do that again!!
On the morning of him moving out we had a session with Relate booked. We had arranged it the previous week as a last resort but over the weekend a few more things came to light and I didn't see the point in us both going so he was going to go alone. My Dad had come over for a chat and a bit of moral support. When the time came for my husband to leave, Dad quietly said "I think you should go, love". I knew he was right, that I should at least hear a different perspective and as it was already booked and paid for, had nothing to lose.
Heather was brilliant. She put us at ease pretty quickly, cracked a few "safe" jokes and made us laugh. We seemed to cover quite a lot in a short time. We got to the root of the problem and talked about how we ended up there. I admitted that I didn't want it to end but I felt I was doing most of the work and it didn't matter what I said to my husband, nothing changed. He agreed. I am so run down with the situation it is affecting how I care for the boys so before it deteriorates further I felt it would be best for everyone if he moved out.
We talked a bit more and Heather gave us some homework.
We had to take moving out off the agenda. We can't fully commit to something while we are staring at the exit. That is no longer an option.
We have signed up for 6 more sessions, at least.
We have to communicate more effectively and considerately. I ask whats wrong, he says "Nothing" = FAIL!
We are also to reciprocate physical contact (I know, but my folks read this!) such as hand holding, hugging and kissing.
Spend some quality alone time together every day.
All of these things are to try and re-establish our connection to each other.
Since that session, there has definitely been a shift and we feel closer than we have done in months. Today, we laid on my bed while the boys played and just snuggled. It was a great few minutes until Chaos realised what was going on and dived in between us!
It is with these changes in mind that I feel I should leave Kat Sighs behind.
I no longer struggle with pnd every day, therefore Kat Sighs much less!
Since coming off my pills I feel the "old" me lingering in the wings, waiting for the cue to return.
I want to spend more time with my husband in the evenings and restore our marriage to its former glory
I want to embrace my fun loving, carefree, spontaneous, slightly crazy self again.
Take care peoples, I'll miss y'all x