I think yesterday was put on a brave face day as I'm feeling pretty poo today. Well, totally shit in fact.
It's really getting to me today. Why do I have to be like this. Why am I stuck here with these bloody kids day after day when everyone else goes out frolicking in the sunshine. I'm sat here in the half light stalked by my inner demons and 2 bored, moaning children. It's doing my bloody head in! The only relief I get is typing my inner most dis-functions into this thing and casting them out into cyberspace for the unknown to judge or comment. How long will this go on for? How long can I go on for? I feel like my head is going to implode with the weight of it all. I am becoming increasingly more able to switch off what is going on around me. I have to or the moany, whining noises would push me over the edge. I think that's why I spend so much time walking, it's the only time they bloody shut up for a garenteed amount of time! I can totally sympathise with them today. I feel like shouting at the top of my voice but that would definitely be advertising the fact I have lost the plot and probably scare the babies.
I really don't know how long I can cope with this. I have spoken to the Dr as I don't feel the tablets are working and he says I haven't been on them long enough to tell. Surely after 5 weeks I shouldn't be feeling like this for days on end. I feel like it's getting worse again. Like I've been fighting the tide and now I'm too tired to fight or the waves are too strong. Either way I'm fucked
Any ideas? Answers on a post card to .......